Archive for July, 2007

“A Kenyan Prisoner Playing Golf”

Posted on July 30, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

The Kenyan who was accused a month ago for raping his girlfriend called butdoisay today..he was accused of raping the girlfriend 20 times but this was all fabricated and therfore there was no evidence to prosecute him on the rape charges…. .He was sentenced to 2 months only for “KVINNOR KRÄNKNING”  meaning he had taken all the freedom rights from the lady as I understood.He also mentioned he is not in jail but a rehab center where he is enjoying Golf,Swimming pool,playing football,going to the gym and grilling on saturdays for 3 hours.I asked him about the meals…and he mentioned its wonderful……better than homes..He gets an ice cream after every meal.He sounded so happy because he is out of jail/ Rehab in August…he is getting his first off in the middle of August to enjoy the sunshine for 24 hours….he also mentioned that he is simply having a good time and does not want to be released from his holidays……

While he is enjoying himself in a Swedish Prison come rehab…..lets assume he was in a Kenyan prison….

He would not have had a chance to talk to anybody,telephone is out of bound for a Kenyan prisoner.He would be signing his name with his own shit on the walls while in the toilet since there are no toilet papers and sometimes no water,he would be sleeping in turns…since they are so congested…. Kenyan prisoners have a way of sleeping….they all decide to face one direction…body to body…and then turn to the opposite side after a few hours..they have an inmate who acts like a commander…he shouts haya geuka-ok turn and everybody turns..the prison is full of a stinking bad odour.You can not describe the uncooked food in a Kenyan prison…the maize,the beans and the potatoes are all uncooked….you would think you are eating groundnuts……

Its unfortunate that there are so many innocent Kenyans going thru this hell…there is no petty crime and a serious crime…you all end up in this filthy prison…I do hope that this will be changed by the incoming goverment though I still believe President Kibaki has tried to make this change….Butdoisay….
Clay Onyango.

The Grand Nyama Choma…

Posted on July 29, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

Yesterdays grand nyama choma made me and many other kenyans miss home…CONGRATULATIONS guys…the music could be heard all over the beach, from the traditional dance sound led by Albert Taabu…claps… to the sound of blackness led by our best Djs Frank and Safi ... claps—-there was no “Tabu” and “Frank-ly” speaking the music was “Safi”…The Djs kept Kenyans on their toes…..nyama choma was well grilled and in plenty by Jay-some meat came in a form of a J-claps…tusker was in the house all the way from Kenya,it was being served by none other than Stevo…claps….his pockets could be seen full of Kronors as Kenyans were busy buying their own beer Tusker….I wished I could pick pocket him….
Kenyans were in really a good humour..it was all hugs and handshakes…I met friends I had not seen for long…Ebony introduced herself to me…she is truly an ebony…an evergreen tree and well structured….it was nice to meet her and thanks for the comments on butdoisay……thanks to all my friends that appreciate butdoisay as a good blog….you made me proud!!!Look at the stats they are raising everyday….

I could not resist the beat of our traditional beat and I had to do my thing…I have pains all over the body its been a while…in case you are wondering how I could do that …well..proud to say that I am the founder of the first traditional dance group in stockholm in 1992,I lived in Japan in 1986 and 1988 performing at Mt Fuji Safari Park near Tokyo.

All in all I am proud to be a Kenyan and if Kenyans in diaspora would be co-operating the way we co-operate during a nyama choma festival and other drinking spree parties,we would have been the most appreciated diasporians ….because we live fully….to the maximum …..butdoisay….

Clay Onyango.

Clay Hook Me Up….

Posted on July 29, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

I have come across many lovely Kenyans in diaspora between 30 and 40 years old that have no husband,wife or children…..what are they waiting for? Is there any way we can hook them up? Some are learned…respectful…gorgeous and very good looking…..can I please hook you up?

Are you scared of a family life or a relationship in diaspora?…do not be…it all works out with time.In the beginning there is always a power struggle in the house..the man in diaspora wants to be a man in the house and the woman in the diaspora wants to be the “man” in the house.There is sometimes a misunderstanding regarding the money issue and instead of taking it so serious that you want to give up a relationship… its always nice to discuss issues, and if possible have a budget and agree on how you will be settling bills and savings aside…..problems will always be there …but try to work them up……and not to give up…..

A relationship would work mostly well if you are not living together because you do not know the other side of your partner well…and its always good to make a marriage decision when you have stayed  together in the same roof for a long time …when you know your partner very well…..

I would really love to connect Kenyans in diaspora into a marriage relationship,I have friends who are good Kenyans and are looking for the other half….both men and women whether fat or slim….the beauty is within the eye of the beholder…..as they always say…..would you be the other half? Reply with this magic word…. CLAY HOOK ME UP!!! jokes aside…butdoisay……

Clay Onyango

Will Africans Ever Appreciate Pets?

Posted on July 26, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

Dear readers,I was just seated in my car observing a white lady walking with a dog…and as they were almost passing me, the dog felt like going for a long call…it just bent her behind and did her thing as the white lady stood behind with some polythene bag waiting for the dog to finish…as the dog finished she went back and picked up the poopoo with the polythene paper and walked to a dust bin and threw it……wow……wow…

What would I do as an African man?Enda ukakunye uko mbali…go and shit that far…or…kick the dog!!!…. or just walk 5 meters away from the dog and leave the shit on the way….

I have seen it happen…Africans like to eat as a family sometimes outside and sometimes pets like dogs and cats walk around them waiting for some meat or bones to fall….you know they cannot give them oxtails with the meat on…so the dog has to wait until when the oxtail shows no sign of any flesh or blood…not even the bone marrow…only when its a bone…when it has turned its colour to a white bone…then an African man can release the bone to the poor dog or cat…mamen a cat cannot bite this bone!!! This happens only if this is a reasonable African family….otherwise it would be a total war to scare the dog away….

I remember my neighbour back home closed the bedroom door when he found a cat in his bedroom to discipline the cat for tresspassing……and believe me the cat was really punished until it became unconcious…..so I was just wondering…will Africans ever appreciate pets …but do we even appreciate one another?…..butdoisay….

Clay Onyango

The Kenya Police….

Posted on July 24, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

“Left right” “left right”….abouuut turn”….Those are the matching Kenyan police.They always have the same accent as if they come from the same tribe,but they dont….I think they all attend the same school in Kiganjo ,Kenya and they are all taught by the same teacher who has that accent.I always give credit to President Kibaki and his goverment for the changes they have brought within the Kenyan police….give credit where it belongs …clap clap……well though not 100 percent, but  still much better than some years ago.They would stop you any time…harrass you for nothing..and eventually arrest you for nothing…”wewe guja haba..unagwenda wabi na unatoga wabi….kama wewe si mwisi..na weye si asgari wewe ni nani? You come here..where are you going and where are you coming from…if you are not a thief and not a police who are you? They would then push you onto an awaiting police van and drive with you the whole night in the streets of Nairobi…..

short story>It was during christmas time around 2300 hrs at night..we were celebrating christmas screeming with joy on the road when the Kenyan police caught up with us…we explained to them that we were just walking around celebrating christmas…they did not believe us and so they shoved us into their van…on the van, there was a dead body that they had just picked up and we were forced to sit beside the corpse while they were driving around with us…not that they were taking us to the police station or taking the corpse to the morgue….they were still on duty…driving around with us picking up more innocent citizens…we drove and drove for hours until 0600 in the morning when they left us and drove away…presumably to the police station…

Another short story>I had a friend who happened to argue with a kiosk owner because they were making noise outside her shop…she decided to call the Kenya police…they arrived after a short while and my friends took off in different direction….so one of the cops followed this friend of mine with a machine gun and shot him 28 times….I repeat 28 times….just because they were making noise….the poor guy died instantly..he was still in his teenage…and did not deserve to die this way….but the Kenya police being the Kenya police…will remain  the Kenya police as long as Kenyans are sleeping on their brains…..butdoisay….

True story>Clay Onyango

“The Kenyatta Hospital”

Posted on July 23, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

Kenyatta hospital is one of the biggest hospitals in Kenya and this is one place where you can see all kinds of accidents and miseries.As soon as you alight from the  bus if blind folded you would just realize at once that this is a HOSPITAL by the filthy smell… unlike in diaspora when you arrive blind folded you would think its a 5 star hotel…sometimes I wonder if we need to be educated to make our hospitals hygienic and clean….Kenyans speak of having good roads…what about having a good clean hospital.If you happen to go to the morgues in diaspora…you would wonder if people die in diaspora…they are very clean that even the dead really appreciate the cleanliness.You would not see any blood on the floor like you would see in our hospitals back home.I believe we have very cheap labour that is capable of keeping our hospitals clean….but whom do we blame? The president? The MPs or Kenyans in general?

I have been to the Kenyatta morgue and I did not believe my eyes how dead kids were put together in dozens in a container…with legs protruding from the containers in different angles …how would they find your dead kid from these containers?A dead body needs some respect too whether a child or a grown up.Seeing a human being in a suit and a brief case walking…..admiring him for his achievements and money….and disrespecting him when he is dead in a morgue on the bloody floor makes life miserable when you think about it.

A short story…I had a friend by the name Maxi he was knocked by a car and broke his leg so we drove him to Kenyatta hospital,when we arrived ,there was a very long queue and we were adviced to sit on the bench and wait for our turn…while on the queue, you would see all sorts of diseases and accidents …and apparently no one was being attended…we would go around looking for the doctors because Maxi was really in pain…when we came back to the queue…there came a patient that had a worse scenario than Maxi…both his lips were bitten off by a neighbour….this is what happened…he was in his ghetto apartment when 2 neighbours who were friends started to fight outside his door….as a good samaritan…he went outside to try and stop them from fighting..and they both turned on him and on the process,one of them jumped onto his mouth and bit off his lips….it was not a laughing matter but we did laugh to hear the story…. you could see most of his teeth while he was holding his lips in his hand…but he too was to stay on a queue to be attended….but where were the doctors? Still missing….

Later on after a long waiting… the nurses came and put plaster on Maxis leg and we took him home….he was just a poor guy who lived by himself with no one to nurse his wounds and feed him,he got neumonia and that was the end of my friend Maxi….he passed away …..

Who knows maybe he had internal bleeding but the nurses did nothing about it…but Kenyatta hospital being Kenyatta hospital….who knows maybe the lips guy kicked the bucket too….and Kenyatta hospital will remain Kenyatta hospital as long as Kenyans are sleeping on their brains……butdoisay…

True story.

Clay Onyango

“The Diaspora Children”

Posted on July 22, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

These are the luckiest children since they have it all…good accomodation..free school…their own room…a tv..a computer..a playstation..an x -box and maybe love.When they are growing they are so lovable that a parent would wish them to remain young.

Some parents never discipline them when they are tender and when they grow old… 12 years they start behaving like buffaloes….they become so arrogant and rude they can spit on a grown up, be it a parent or an uncle.They never listen to anybody. not even to their teacher….they are the diaspora children.The system is protecting them,they have the right to refuse…and you cannot force them.

Back in Africa children are disciplined…though not always in a right manner sometimes…because some parents over do it….like I remember when we were young in Kenya we had a neighbour who was a half cast,a very pretty lady and guys could be seen around their compund all the time,so the mum was so strict that she did not want her to talk to guys and she was always watching on her…her name was Sheela.Everytime the mother found Sheela with boys it would be a total war…and all we could hear was just screams when Sheela got back home.I remember one day the mother took a hot iron box and placed it on both of Sheelas thighs just beside her private parts…she got 2 big iron box scars…….What a loving parent???All these was in the name of scaring guys away who were interested in sleeping with Sheela….

This was inhuman …to her own daughter.

But then in Africa, children are also disciplined by stick or belt…I remember when we were in primary school,every day during break time we had our own game we called Kung fu…we would go out during the breaks and kick one another like you see on Kung fu shaolin movies….we were addicted….that was all we could discuss in school on how I kicked so and so until he bled or so and so until he collapsed…so one day we started kicking a friend and unfortunately ,he swallowed his tongue…he was rushed to the hospital and was lucky to survive…..We were called by the headmaster to his office to get our punishment…I remember we were forced to ly on the floor and remove our pants….we each received 25 slashes on our bums…..capital punishment….

I believe we were harshly disciplined…but on the other hand we were disciplined the right way…we respect our elders…our parents and our teachers.Should the diaspora children be disciplined harshly or should we let nature take its course….butdoisay…..

True story.

Clay Onyango

In Love With My House Girl…..

Posted on July 21, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

HOUSE GIRLS…..They are poor pretty girls raised by poor families…sometimes they spend days without meals…their parents can not afford to take them to school neither can they afford to feed the other children…they wear tattered clothes…they walk barefoot…if they are a bit lucky…they start school´s first term…but cannot afford the second term and third term….and are expelled from school.They are always bullied in school….”look at your torned dress ..cant you afford a new dress”…”you are stinking dont you take a shower”….”look at your feet one can insert a coin in them”…they have cracks due to the long walks to school or to fetch water…..”I cant sit with her she has lice in her clothes”…when they are walking home by themselves they would find a rock and sit on it and cry and cry…they would try to control their tears but the tears still come….still on their way home…. they wonder what to do and support their parents,sisters and brothers….they have only one OPTION in mind..to become a house girl……..they become so excited to have found an option….but their life has just began…

Once they become a house girl……in some homes,they get free meals and accomodation as their salary….and in some homes away from home they become abused by the so called employer…sexually abused…physically abused…tortured that they regret why they went away from home…..For those who are fortunate,some wealthy men…their employers fall in love with them and propose to marry them,they get children and good jobs and support their parents,sisters and brothers….and also for those who are lucky… the women employers take them to school,educate them and get them good jobs and they support their parents,brothers and sisters……this is how we should treat our house girls…and for those who are unlucky we can only wish them luck,pray for them and hope someone will fall in love with them and marry them  to enable them support their parents……butdoisay…..

True life stories…

Clay Onyango

Tribal In Laws

Posted on July 19, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

Wambui come here…”I dont want you to be married by a luo”…they dont circumsize..they eat fish..they remove their 6 front teeth and they cook in a washing bucket!!!…or

Atieno bi ka…come here..I dont want you to be married by a Kikuyu….they are thieves….they have tiny legs….they eat Githeri….ie maize and beans every day or …

Cherir….come here I dont you to be married by a Luhya…they sleep with chickens…and they have very big bums…….Or Nafula come here I dont want you to get married by a kamba…they have a very bad accent…and they wear rainbow colours…

These are the disgusting words from tribal parents who do not want their sons or daughters to intermarry with other tribes in Kenya….

What has all these got to do with love…..shame on in laws that encourage this behaviour….the decision maker is either the man or the woman.Love has no boundaries..you can fall in love with an aborogine in Australia….an Indian in South America…a Japanesse in Asia or a White person in Europe.

Never listen to your parents if this is how they reason… their choice is not always the best choice…..you can make your own good decision.Nowadays,some Kikuyus eat fish…some luos circumsize…and some luhyas…hahaaa have smaller well placed bums…unlike the old ones that would suport a thermos with 2 tea cups…Thieves come from different tribes nowadays..a short story..some years ago,I was just taking a night stroll in Kenya around 1900 hrs and I came across an injured man that had been stabbed 5 times…twice on the back..on the shoulder and on his hand…the scene was frightening…the flesh was hanging from all the stabbings…but fortunately he was limping home for help…I approched him and got his hand to support him..of course he was losing consciousness…as we were walking I asked him what happened and he said in pain that he was stabbed by some thieves who were speaking luo…and in my dum brains I had thought they were the kikuyus…..because that was part of their hobby…… see …I was wrong…so things have changed nowadays..lets not be tribalists and intermarry amongs our Kenyan tribes if possible…..and we should ignore our tribalists mother and father in laws….butdoisay…..
True life story
Clay Onyango

The Diaspora “Spice Girls”

Posted on July 18, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

The diaspora spice girls can be seen in a group of 4 to 6,their ages range from 20 to 28 years old.They might be very clever girls but they do not realize it and they do not want to make use of the system and educate themselves further…many of them have children that they got at a very early age.They are so irresponsible that one might wonder how they take care of their children….they are often jobless..not because there are no jobs but because they do not look for jobs.
They party from Monday to monday…and they stink alcohol 24/7 when you talk to them…they rarely clean their homes….they only clean when other spice girls are coming for after party…they indulge themselves into orgies..pretend that they are lesbians sometimes….and kiss mouth to mouth when they meet drunk…in a very disgusting manner…they change men like pants and care less about what people think……they do not take any advice from anybody…and when they grow old they become the diasporas poor.. desperate.. disgusting old women…..butdoisay…..read the next episode…”the diaspora backstreet boys”…..
Clay Onyango