Real Men Are Responsible…..Are You One Of Them?

Posted on August 8, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Where I come from, there are ceremonies, which always include the death of a goat, performed to initiate a male member of our community into a “man of the tribe”. I suppose this happens in most African societies. It is that simple. You invite several elders who will receive the goat and order for its death in a prescribed manner, roast it and share it among themselves. There are taboos too. A person that has not offered such a sacrifice may not partake of the meal. And whoa! You are transformed into a true man. Not a man because your gender says so, but man, by initiation — real man.

I remember as a young boy the determination I had of one day becoming a man. To me, a man had a beard, was a smoker, took alcohol and was feared. Yes, feared. We were told that real men never lose a fight, they do not cry or fear anything but God and hot porridge. The real men I knew, who included my father beat their wives, came home drunk and spiting profanities. They gave orders and were never questioned. Anyone who did contrary to this — those who were kind to wives and children were not worthy of the title ‘man’. Such phrases like, ‘sat on’ (by their wives) were used to refer to them.

Today, having grown up and with a family of my own, I beg to differ with my society and all that subscribe to its teaching on what makes a man. I have not given a sacrificial lamb to initiate me into ‘manhood’ and neither do I do those things, which attracted me about being man, in childhood. I do not smoke, I do not drink, I cannot hit a woman leave alone a wife, and I consult with everyone I deal with whether they are my children, wife or others whom society would brand my inferiors. But I believe and proclaim my belief here today, that I am a man by all definitions. I am, of course, not opposed to offering a goat — I would do so willingly if only for its social benefits like forming friendships in my neighbourhood, but I believe there is more to becoming a man than a mere taste of nyama choma.

To me, the word responsibility, is what defines a true man. If, you can show me a man who is responsible and nothing more, then I will show you a true man. Think of this: A responsible man will take care of his family. He knows, since he married that it is upon him to ensure his wife is secure, well taken care of and happy. And because he decided to have a family with children, he knows it is his duty to fend for them, school them, care for their health and everything else that goes into proper upbringing of children.

A responsible man will know that the health of his wife is partly dependent on him. Therefore, he will not go around sleeping with other women that might expose him to STIs. In fact, he will not even think of such a thing since he will respect his marriage vows and duties, whether he is legally married or not. A responsible man is simply a faithful man.

A responsible man will not enter into deals that can wreck his own life or that of his family. He will not gamble his salary, take unnecessary loans or dispose any family property without consultation with his wife. He will not break the law because he knows what impact that has on his reputation, and what his imprisonment can do to his family. Such a man will mind his environment and will not go about throwing insults, getting drunk and losing control of himself or smoke since this is harmful not only to himself but to the peace and health of those around him. He cares for his health too, because it means a lot not only to him, but to his dependants.

Whatever else the word responsible connotes, thereof you will find the definition of a true man. You need not, therefore, be the strongest human being around, the best kick boxer, the number one philanderer or to slaughter a goat to be a real man. Hear me Kenya, can the real men now stand up? please stand up please stand up…..butdoisay!!!

Christopher Maina



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4 Responses to “Real Men Are Responsible…..Are You One Of Them?”

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Hie there my brothers and sisters.
I totally agree with Maina’s comments.

I believe that in scadinavia.most kenya men and get me right,most kenyan men are boggas.they dont bother all the above mentioned that real kenya men back home do to their families.The real men as said should STAND firm with their families and be the bread winner to their so called jamii.But here in Sweden especially,its maybe 1 out of ten who fullfills the tasks.Majority are just more than women just gossiping in the local pubs and even using their credit cards kununua beer.What a shame!!!!! Instead of them being with their jamiis planning about their future,they dont even have tym with their wife’s.Wao they go out of the house at midday after waking up and then they come home at the wee hour just to sleep untill the next day midday again.tha’s the routine of everyday esp.kama wako rikizo.They need to wake up and realize that tym haiwangoji.Wakenya wa ulaya,wake up your mbogos and treat ur wife and children like real wonder wasichana wa kikweu wanapotelea western juu atleas huko wanatretiwa kama maqueen.

Anyway,family is the last thing that one can disrespect na should oen up for your wife to knw u better.

Great article Chris Maina, at first i thought this was Clay’s article and was on the phoneline with Norway waiting to nominate him for Nobels litterature prize, heck i would have even fixed him a Pullitzer for all this great text.

odede…sema tu it sounded like one of Clays articles,simple and straight forward.Just give me the nobel or fix the pullitzer….

Great article! Keen I know of many kenyan men in stockholm that are great fathers and hubbies! Its wrong to put down the kenyan men who r trying hard to fend for their families. Big up to all great fathers and hubbies in stockholm u know who u r!

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