Weird Kenyan Behaviors,”When You Move I Move, Just Like That!!!”

Posted on July 25, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Michael Joseph must really regret uttering the words that Kenyans have peculiar calling habits, which caused such furore. But the truth hurts, Kenyans sometimes act in a strange manner. MJ being an expatriate must have been thoroughly perplexed by the reaction he got from Kenyans. So perplexed was he that he decided to bequeath us with free texts just so we could stop flashing i.e. dialling but hanging up before someone picks up to get someone to call you back. But Kenyans peculiar habits ran much deeper…


They only exist in banking halls, food courts and payment centres. When it comes to transport it’s a whole new story, normal upright citizens are reduced to crazed Zinjanthropus beings with frothing mouths. Be careful because, they will get into the vehicle offering cheaper fare by any means necessary. This normally happens when it rains and prices hike up. The recent fuel hikes haven’t helped, even five shillings less in fare is enough to land you a broken toe as people scramble past you. Once in the vehicle they are once again transformed into good citizens albeit with a few scratches here and there. And any queries on their behaviour will be met with blank stares.


It’s a fact that women who have just exited the salon will never dance in the rain having paid Sh1,500 for re-touch. In fact, we’d rather shelter under the buildings for hours on end than let a drop of water touch our heads. For extra measure, some women have taken to carrying shower-caps during the rainy season. These are donned faster than Superman’s tights at the first sign of rain. So if you are walking around town and you happen to spot a well-dressed woman looking like she forgot to take off her shower cap that morning, do not be alarmed. It is perfectly normal. And for those who lack shower caps an eco-friendly alternative is to recycle old paper-bags and use them to cover your head. Pure genius!

Closer and closer

Now I mentioned that Kenyans hate queues, maybe it’s just a malevolent hangover from the mlolongo days. Since the only place people queue is when they are paying bills or depositing money you would think they would have respect for the queuing system. Giving your neighbour some room to breathe, some privacy that sort of thing, nope, not Kenyans. You will be standing at a bank queue minding to your business when someone sidles up behind you. They stand close enough for you to smell the stench coming from their mouths. You move forward and the dude must have been a fan of Ludacris because all he does is glide closer like “when I move, you move, just like that.”


Also known as zoobing or kuzubaa. Now sometimes its perfectly innocent, someone contemplating their own problems may seem to be staring at you with a blank stare, not to worry they will be back in a jiffy. However, I do have a problem with people who come out to stare at accident or crime scenes. In a village somewhere in Kenya a young girl who was raped by her father had to face the whole community as they came to gawk at her. Police rarely have the decency to chase onlookers, further encouraging the habit.



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One Response to “Weird Kenyan Behaviors,”When You Move I Move, Just Like That!!!””

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First and foremost, Hi clay and Family. I have a comment for Osewe, What sick pleasure does he get in writing articles about people? Actually his fellow kenyans. If he has a problem with how people behave he should pull them aside and talk to them or is he such a coward he has to hide behind a computer. Some of the things he writes on his blogg which i actually have a hard time reading from start to finish, leaves me asking myself, how old is he?.There is freedom of speech but not when you turn some peoples miseries into your sick joke.Osewe get your facts straight and stop being ignorant.Another thing is that even small kids know that you dont take pictures of people without permission and put them out on the internet, someone will sue His Ass!!!!!!!!

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