Dawa Ya Mu-gikuyu Ni Mugikuyu

Posted on May 19, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |


One Saturday ,Afternoon a dejected man packs his car on the street and walks to his favourite Nandos for a take-away. On his way back, he meets a beautifully dressed lady. The lady innocently asks him for direction to the newest Tuskermatt in town. The man seizes the opportunity and offers to take her. The gal quickly buys a cosmetic and the man offers to pay for it. On their way out, the man asks, would you mind accompanying me? The gal nodes in confirmation.
They get to the car and head for the quiet Karura forest to spend the rest of the evening. They munch the chicken as they caress and fondle- newly wed love birds one would guess. The mans body temperature rises and feels he needs a bit more. Shamelessly, he asks for it.
The lady replies, Sorry I had not told you this. I work as a prostitute but since you are so nice, I will ask only sh 200. The man is stunned but after second thought he offers the lady the cash. They explore each others inner anatomy till 8.00 in the night. They get back to the car but the driver doesn’t start the car.
The lady yearns, why can’t we go, it’s now dark? The man responds, “Am sorry I didn’t inform you that I am a taxi-man”. At night we get paid before dropping our clients,biashara ne biashara”. I will charge you only sh 450/=.
On his mind he had summed up all the costs incurred plus a profit of Sh 100. The gal has no option but to pay.
On dropping the gal, the man yelled, It was nice doing business with you, I am Mwangi and you? Ciku, the lady replied. Ooh, mundu wa nyumba,ciaana shia Mumbi…..butdoisay…


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2 Responses to “Dawa Ya Mu-gikuyu Ni Mugikuyu”

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Onyango drives into a service station in his battered Volkswagen, clad in shorts, All-Stars, funky beard and i-spoti(small hat). He hands the attendant the keys complete with a beautiful Tupac keyring:

Onyango: “jasna tank-Super” (jaluo means fillup the tank!)

Attendant: “How much?”

Onyango: “Omera adwaro petrol mar super full tank?” – Meaning, hey I said fill up the tank!

Attendant: “I only speak English!”

Onyango: “No problem. Good day to you Sir. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.”

Attendant: “YAWA?”

Onyango: “Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke only English?”

Attendant: “English? That is not English!”

Onyango: ” My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do not even recognise the language which you allege to be your singular means of communication?”

(In the sipirit of kooperession)
Four Kenyans were on death row for a very serious felony offence. They were given four types of the death penalty options to choose from:

1.Electric chair
2.Firing squad
4.HIV Injection.

On the fateful day, the 4 Kenyans were taken straight to the Executioner to get killed.

The Jaluo man chose the electric chair; and boom he was gone!

The Kao(kalenjin) man chose the firing squad; A shot was fired, and boom he was gone.

The Kiuk man was lifted onto the noose by the Executioner and boom! he was gone!

The Luhya man walked confidently to the Executioner and selected the HIV Injection option.They inject a bottle of the deadly
virus into his veins and off he goes! He walks confidently to his cell(body)and tells his cellmates, pointing at the Executioner: “Abandu abajinga,shivamanyire khufwala ikondom!” (****** people, they do not know that I
am wearing condom).

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