Survival For The Fittest!!!

Posted on July 17, 2007. Filed under: Butdoisay TRUE STORIES |

If you have been living in diaspora for ages without visiting Kenya here are some slungs you might need to help you corp up with Burma supermarket…Eastleigh supermarket…Kenyatta market…and Kariokor supermarket in Nairobi when you arrive.These are the main supermarkets in Nairobi city where you can find cheap traditional dishes like Ugali…Githeri…Nyama choma…tilapia and off course Mukimo.There are some sheng..slungs you need to use inorder to be understood in these markets…for example if you have ordered for …Ugali na nyama choma and you eat..you eat by then the ugali becomes scarce you only need to shout “NIPE WEMBE”…..GIVE ME A RAZOR BLADE…..wembe means a razor blade…this is an extra ugali that will be served to you in a very thin slice and sharp enough to commit suicide…… just like a razor blade…keep in mind that you can ask for two wembes or razor blades…but if you ask for many wembes its considered as if you have asked for a new menu and you might be found a trickster and be charged…..You can also try ROJO ROJO….this is a thick sauce or soup that you can just eat without a spoon because its too thick….just shout “rojo rojo”…you dont need to get up and rojo rojo will be served…..

While at the market dont forget to pass by Mama Matumbo but beware…she is a trickster….while using the Ratili…the weighing machine…she puts an extra stone under the Ratili without u seeing …and pretends that she is adding you extra matumbo by saying….Nakuongesa “matumbo ya brathe”,”ya mathe”,fathe” na siste”…..am adding u intestines for your brother,mum,dad and sister….but in real sense she is giving you the same quantity you have ordered….she had alot of customers before because of her tricks…people thought she was generous and cheap…she would shout…wewe daki daki kuja ununue matumbo….you blacky come and buy some intestines…but she lost all her clients when they discovered her trick…..ya mathe,ya fathe,brathe na siste………………..

While still at the market….try chai ya mama chai….this is where you would drink tea with very big mandazis…the size of your two palms ….this is a Kenyan snack….if you need an extra cup and you do not want to pay say this words…”mama chai umeniekea chai baridi sana”…..you have put very cold tea…or “umeniekea sukari mingi sana”…u have put too much sugar..and mama chai will add you another cup of tea without extra charges…..you should do this when you are almost coming back when the dough is scarce….

Before I forget…while at the market before you order your meal….utilize the manner of tasting nyama choma at the markets…..Kuonja nyam chom…you can start from the entrance to the exit just tasting nyama choma…without paying anything……who knows pengine pesa zimekuishia….maybe your dough is finished……but still mama chai…mama matumbo…and mama mandazi will still be the survivors amongst the fittest in Nairo……butdoisay….

Clay Onyango

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